Some people have solid romantic and friendly relationships without even trying. As a result, they excel at work, school and in their personal lives.
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If you’re wondering why you don’t have the same success with your interpersonal relationships despite everything you try, the problem may be related to unconscious behaviors that are pushing people away from you. Keep reading to learn about common toxic behaviors so you can pinpoint them in your life and work to change them.
Always Playing The Victim
Some people are far too content to let themselves remain in a cycle of victimization. We’ve all had bad things happen to us; however, that doesn’t mean we have to let those things weigh us down for the rest of our lives. People that have been traumatized by horrible circumstances but gone on to do positive things are perfect examples of this. Our personal outlook on life has a lot to do with how people view us. If you always believe the world, and everyone in it, is out to get you, chances are people won’t want to spend time with you.
Try changing your perspective and realize you have inner resilience, the same resilience that has helped you overcome past traumas. Think about how you’ve conquered hardships and learned from the negative experience positively, so you can move on toward a brighter future.
Taking Everything Too Personally
It’s tempting to think feedback we encounter is somehow related to negative opinions others have of us. In reality, the majority of ways people respond to things are tied into their own experiences and not related to you. That doesn’t mean you should ignore all constructive criticism you receive, but it’s certainly a good idea to take a step back, review how you’re responding to it and gauge whether your reaction is more personal than it should be.
Hear what the other person is saying to you with an open mind, accept it, learn from it and move on rather than lashing out at the person or becoming offended.
Showing An Inability To Control Emotions
Emotions are very powerful, and if left unchecked, they can be destructive. If you have a consistent difficulty controlling your anger for example, you may tend to flare up over things that are relatively small. You might also have trouble regulating your emotions if you’re feeling weighed down by something that happened in your past.
If you can’t get control of and maintain your emotions, people will turn away, so think about getting help from a counselor. This will aid you in isolating the anger that may be off-putting to your family and friends and teach you positive ways with which to deal with the emotion. Techniques like meditation are also helpful in allowing you to recognize and harness emotion before they become unmanageable.
Making Premature Decisions About People
It’s hard to remember that it takes some people time to open up to those around them. Unfortunately, this sometimes means that individuals make snap judgements about them.
Keep in mind that a person’s outward behavior may only be a reflection of what he or she has chosen to show you. When you feel tempted to judge people without knowing them well, remember the golden rule of treating others the way you wish to be treated. It’s always good to keep an open heart and mind, too. Doing so may help you expand your circle of friends and be more accepting overall.
When you’re not able to think beyond yourself and show compassion for others, this translates into extremely toxic behavior. It’s especially easy to show less empathy than you ordinarily might when you’re online, hiding behind the presumed shield of a computer screen.
Whether you’re speaking to someone face-to-face, over the phone, or through the Internet, don’t forget about the impact your words might have on him or her. The same goes for your actions. Even when you think people aren’t noticing what you do, you may be surprised. Gently force yourself to think outside of the confines of what you know and ponder what you would feel like if you were in someone else’s shoes. Doing volunteer work is a great way to start showing compassion for others and make new friends. It’s rewarding, too.
Toxic behavior indeed causes people to avoid you; what’s worse, however, is that these behaviors are harmful to you. Recognizing toxic behavior and taking steps to understand the reason behind it will help you isolate what is driving your mood. Once you’ve determined the cause of your behavior, you can take the steps to rework it and bring more happiness, and people, into your life.