When you lament your single-hood to those closest to you, they likely demand that it’s not your fault that you’re still minus your plus one.
“You just haven’t met the right guy,” they tell you.
“You’re just too good for the guys you usually date,” they insist.
“The right one will come along,” they comfort.
“You’re just so special. You really need a special guy,” they compliment.
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While some of this may be true, it is equally true that you are likely playing at least a small part in maintaining your single status. In truth, there are likely some seemingly benign things you are doing on a daily or weekly basis that are preventing you from finding your romantic happily ever after.
By identifying and extinguishing these behaviors, you might be able to hasten the arrival of your prince charming.
1. Give Too Much Attention To Your Phone
Whether they’re checking email, tweeting or trying to capture that oh-so-fierce selfie, many people spend lots of time snuggled up to their phones. If you’re guilty of constant phone checking or, worse yet, pouring over your phone while in public, you are sabotaging countless opportunities to meet someone special. Very few people will approach someone who seems preoccupied.
To maintain your approachability, you need to appear available and interested in talking to a real life person. If you’re a phone devotee, try putting your phone down for five minutes and actually engage with the world around you… and the people in it. If you do, you may actually have an experience worthy of a status update.
2. Complaining… A Lot
Yes, your life is stressful, but, if you allow the stress of your day to day to seep into your date, you are likely poisoning your would-be relationship. Your date doesn’t care that Suzy from HR used the rest of the ranch dressing you had in the staff lounge fridge without even asking.
Spend the finite amount of time you have on your date focusing on the positive instead of wading around in a sea of negativity.
3. Letting Your Friends And Family Drive Your Relationship
People are full of advice, and not all of it is good. Even the best-intentioned BFF can be the source of bad advice from time to time. When it comes down to it, you and your partner are the only ones actually in the relationship. Any advice an outsider may give is flawed by the fact that she doesn’t truly know all of the intimate details.
While it is understandable and even appropriate at times to seek advice from someone you trust, you should always take this advice at face value and truly evaluate the situation for yourself before taking any action.
4. Lowering Your Standards
Particularly if you’ve been single for a long time, you may have lowered your standards. You likely did so in an intrepid attempt to cast a larger net and draw in more of the numerous fish in that proverbial sea. The problem is, while you may have lowered your standards on paper, in truth, you are still subconsciously seeking a partner who meets your original standards.
While you date with your newly lower standards, you are likely keeping those who don’t meet your true desires at arms distance. This means you are filling the slots on your dance card with people in whom you’re not seriously interested and with whom you will never truly be happy.
While you may want to revisit your date-ability criteria if you have a 50-plus item checklist, in general, maintaining and enforcing a basic set of standards isn’t a bad thing.
5. Stalking An Ex Online
You broke up. It’s over. It doesn’t matter who he’s smooching on Instagram. Checking out your ex online as you work your way through a bottle of wine may seem an innocent and even cathartic way to spend a Friday night.
In truth, however, giving in to your desire to cyberstalk actually makes the break-up even harder and prevents you from truly moving on to someone new.
6. Trying To Be Who You Think Guys Want You to Be
If you’re not outdoorsy, don’t try to be just because Steve with the six-pack on LoveConnection.net likes chicks who hike. You might be able to keep up with Steve, and you may even be willing to hike until you have a blister or two, but ultimately it won’t work out.
You will likely either 1) get so sick of pretending that you like the outdoors that you revert to total hermit mode or 2) keep up the facade while forming a secret loathing for all things related to the outdoors, including your new rock-climbing boyfriend.