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What To Do When Your Jealousy Takes Over Your Relationship

Jealousy is tricky because as much as we might realize we’re feeling it, we want to deny it. With the power of our imaginations, we envision someone else as the desire of the one we enamor, assuming they bring something to the equation we can’t.

What’s really happening though . . . is we’re displacing our insecurities, rather than dealing with them. Jealousy illuminates what you unconsciously wish to cultivate in YOU as well as the feelings you really want to embody in your relationship.

Your jealousy may be founded. Something might be out of alignment in your relationship. But until you do your inner work, you won’t know the whole truth of the situation. What’s needed is to remove your focus off of someone else and develop more self-compassion and clarity for YOURSELF. This is when you begin to relieve yourself from the pain of obsessive jealousy.

But, how do we do that?

Rather than crave the love or attention from your partner that you feel you’re missing, choose to genuinely validate yourself. THAT’S what’s really needed to reclaim your power. Jealousy is an unconscious attempt to soothe anxiety and gain control over something that’s missing either in yourself or in your relationship.

It gives us something else to do, something to distract us, so that we don’t have to face our issues. We’re trying to escape having to feel the discomfort of not getting our inner needs met. What it boils down to is how willing and able we are to put our full attention on our own self-fulfillment. Give yourself the attention, love, kindness and respect you want.

What Does That Mean?

I know. It’s so esoteric. Here’s the gist: If you’re caught up in something else outside of you, take a moment and ask yourself: What do I really need in this moment? Is it an inner feeling of empowerment? Is it a deep inherent, knowing sense that you are loved and beautiful? To know you’re a success, good and worthy? Take the time to claim it. This is NOT about positive affirmation. It’s about clearly defining your intentions.

Do you want to be a person who feels confident, on-point, in alignment with who you REALLY are? To have the relationship you desire that meets your utmost potential?

Here’s The Trick:

Whatever you’re thinking about the person you’re jealous of . . . is really about what you haven’t been ready to accept in your own SELF. Here’s the good news: What you think someone else has is who you TRULY are.

Huh? Give it a sec’…

If you can see it another (even if a fantasy) it’s not only who you wish to be, but also who you are, really. In psychological terms, it’s called positive projection. Positive projection is like taking a Pin Itphoto, not realizing the object you’re seeing (that you think is better) is really, you. It’s a blessing we’re shown—to know who we really want to be. It’s the universe’s way of showing us what we REALLY want to see in ourselves.

So claim it. Whatever you’re jealous of . . . as your missing parts. And, take those fragments back. So that you can be whole. For real. After doing that, you’ll feel GOOD about yourself and then; you can return your focus on the issues in your relationship. Assured in your own self-loving, you can meet those issues head on, without questioning yourself.

Table Of Contents

Katherine Hurst
By Lynn Newman
Lynn Newman is a writer, painter and game creator (like The Game of You & The Game of Insight – An Interactive Way To Know Yourself, Create The Life You Want). She has a Masters in Counseling and Psychology and has worked as a spiritual teacher, therapist and workshop leader. Lynn believes that everything we do is creative, be it the way we think, problem solve and more importantly the way we make the most of our lives.

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