A few weeks ago, I was at a close friend’s house for dinner. We were having a lovely evening and an even lovelier glass of wine when suddenly, we heard her front door slam.
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Before we knew it, her teenage daughter appeared in the doorway with mascara tears running down her face.
My friend got her a seat as I got her a glass of water. After a few moments of calming down, she explained that her boyfriend had broken up with her.
My heart felt with empathy, knowing how colossal those early heartbreaks could feel. I left shortly after, leaving my friend to tend to her daughter.
I spoke to my friend in the following days and she reported that after a carton of ice cream and a few sad songs, tears were replaced with a feisty anger.
“I mean don’t get me wrong, I’d rather her be anything but upset; I guess I just forgot how easy it is to be mad at an ex,” my friend remarked.
As I thought about it and thought back on people in my past, I realized anger was the common strand between them, and I by no means consider myself an angry person. It fascinated me how a tinge of the feeling could linger considering the insignificance of the situations to my present life.
Was it bad to be angry, or was it normal? Could this be healthy? I investigated and present you my findings.
You saw that person as a safe haven. We look for a myriad of different things in our significant others, but one of the most common things we look for is comfort.
This person has served as your safe haven and by removing themselves from your life, you feel a gaping wound. The natural reaction to being hurt, to feeling your safety in any capacity is compromised, is anger.
If you aren’t a little angry, what does that say about your relationship with yourself? It may seem strange, but anger involves an element of self-preservation.
We get angry because these infractions are being committed against us, and we have a strong enough bond with the self to feel unjustly treated.
Getting angry is almost a marker of self-respect in that regard.
You use anger as a means to get attention. You need support right now, and venting your frustrations will help you get it.
We are sometimes ashamed of behaving in this manner, but it is part of the process in dealing with the anger.
If you’re angry and no one validates your experience, moving forward becomes significantly more difficult.
Anger provides enough distance for some additional clarity. Have you ever realized that when you’re mad about something, it’s so much easier to find more things to be mad at?
Anger distances you from your situation enough to gain some perspective and can help lead you to some important conclusions.
Anger distracts from pain. At the end of the day, being angry is just part of how you deal with pain.
Anger won’t heal the wound, but it sure will dull the pain. Let it run its course and allow yourself to process all your emotions in a healthy manner.
While anger is part of the process, it’s a part of the process that’s easy to get in too deep with.
Although you are going through a trying time, you must be able to check yourself for reasonability.
If your anger is impacting your daily life or the life of anyone else, you must re-evaluate and recalibrate yourself towards healing.