The act of oral sex can be the best of both worlds: giving your partner pleasure while experiencing it yourself.
But if you’re not present and mindful while you’re in the middle of the act, you’re shortchanging yourself and your partner. While it might be hard to admit, going down on your partner as a means-to-an-end only definitely saps the life out of the experience for both of you.
By using the tips below, you can be present, and more, satisfied when you’re on the giving end instead of the receiving one.
Don’t Forget To Ask
Seems obvious, asking permission, but after a while, you may have gotten into the habit of just going to town as part of your sexual routine. Asking permission is the right way to go and helps create safe space in your sexual relationship with your partner, so ask your partner if he or she is ready or in the mood for oral sex before you start.
Honor the response; if he or she says no, don’t react in a negative manner. You’ll build more trust and have a closer physical intimacy as a result by making your bedroom a judgement-free zone.
Take A Long Look
Seriously, look at your partner’s genitalia before you perform oral sex. Note the color, size, texture, anything distinct or features you haven’t noticed before. Let yourself feel. Are you amused by them a little, or fascinated, or both?
By letting yourself look, you’ll notice interesting things about your partner’s penis or vagina you’ve never noticed before. Becoming more comfortable and familiar with your partner’s private parts means a better time for the both of you, and creates an atmosphere for a little experimentation and improvement on your technique.
All Hands On Deck
Your hands should begin your oral sex routine. For a male partner, try gliding your fingers over his shaft or ball area. If your partner is a woman, start by stroking her thighs in a soft manner and going toward the outer labia.
Pay attention to your partner’s response, his or her physical movements, sounds and breaths in response to your touching. Soak it all in and let it turn you on. Now, both you and your partner are primed for the experience and feeling a little anticipation, which acts as a great mood enhancer.
Work Your Mouth
Your mouth is a big part of oral sex but are you using it to the fullest? Explore your partner’s genitals using your whole mouth, your tongue and your lips. Start gently at first, you can even just place some kisses on sensitive areas to build up the experience. Note your partner’s responses to what you are doing and allow yourself to enjoy his or her pleasure reactions.
Experiment a bit as well. Try changing pace, pressure and method, like sucking or licking, to discover what you and your partner enjoy the most.
Talking is another aspect of using your mouth and you should engage in a little conversation here, too. Ask if what you’re doing is working or if your partner has any suggestions. He or she knows their body better than you do and can give you some great tips on what to try and what to avoid. Use the information he or she gives you to take the experience to the next level.
Above all, be comfortable and have fun! Oral sex is about pleasure and intimacy for the both of you, and to achieve that, you both have to be comfortable and in the right state of mind.