We’ve all had those moments in a relationship, especially any good relationship when we’re going through some sort of crisis whether it’s caused by something external or whether one of the partners in the relationship is causing it in some way or another.
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Sometimes those crises are what makes or breaks a relationship, sometimes they show us new faces of ourselves and of the other person, but one thing is for sure, they are never pleasant to go through.
Unpleasant as they may be, crises offer opportunities for growth regardless or whether we decide to grow together or grow apart. There is however a strategy in making the best out of a relationship crisis and allowing it to push us forward instead of keeping us stuck or holding us back.
1. Acknowledge the crisis without judging it. This step is important as it is not about casting blame or deciding if something is important enough, telling the other person or ourselves to get over it or anything like that. It’s about the simple fact of acknowledging that there is an issue and making sure both parties know that the issue is.
2. Talk about it with a clear head. It’s very easy to get all frustrated, annoyed, or just simply become a hot head when the problem at hand is affecting us. Try as best as you can to talk about it with a clear head.
If you do feel yourself getting all rallied up about it, take a minute to calm down and come back to it. You can simply take a walk or watch an episode of your favorite TV show, get lunch, anything that disrupts those feelings boiling over.
3. Figure out what can actually be done. If you look at the problem objectively, what can you do about it? How could you ask for support in a positive way? Can you get your partner to be part of the solution or if they can’t be part of the solution, can you allow them to support you emotionally?
4. Express your needs. Many times when we are faced with a crisis, the people around us, especially our partners want to support us anyway we can. Unfortunately many of those times, we’re so entrapped in what is going on and how we think it should be that we have a hard time noticing it and instead of being grateful for it, we tend to blame them for not supporting us “the right way”.
Maybe our loved one don’t always choose the best way to support us, but the truth is they’re doing the best they can, the best they know how. If you feel they could do something differently, express that need in a compassionate way, tell them what you need from them and thank them for what they’ve done so far.
Transparent communication is the only way to both hear and be heard especially in a crisis situation.
5. Focus on your growth. How can you grow from this challenge? What can you learn? How can you become a better person by dealing with this in the right way? How can you be empowered and connected instead of feeling like the universe or the world has something against you?
Life might not always be fair, but it does give us multiple opportunities to turn it into something positive and to use our past and current experiences in creating a better future.
6. Casting blame only keeps you stuck. Sometimes all we want to do is blame someone for whatever we are going through. As if blaming someone would somehow magically lift the pain of what we are feeling or change anything in any sort of way. But the only thing blame truly does is keep us focused on the problem on the victim mode, instead of focused on the solution.
7. Move in the right direction. You might be the type of person who sits down and focuses on a solution until they find it or you might get overwhelmed about what is going on and feel like there’s nothing you can do about it anyway. No matter what your rhythm is, keep moving in the right direction and you will eventually find your way out of this predicament.
Looking back at the last crisis you went through or maybe looking at the crisis you’re going through right now, can you already see how your life could be different if you just took a moment to apply these simple strategies to finding a solution? How would your relationship be different if you both applied these lessons?