Loss and Grief can impinge on our lives without warning. Both are very real and hard to come to terms with, be it loss of a job with redundancy, a much-loved pet, the death of friend or family member. All have a huge impact and especially if you are very sensitive. No matter whether death happens suddenly or after a protracted illness, it’s hard.
Loss can be described as missing something or someone. A void is created. The perceived loss of love. Loving is natural and unconditional. Love is important but as naturally communicating beings, family members etc. we become attached. Its about emotional attachment.
It is lovely to have the sense of belonging, being there for others and to appreciate and to be appreciated. There is nothing like good strong bonds and loving relationships.
What we are not taught is how to overcome loss, how to be strengthened in this and how to be somewhat detached. Buddhists teachings are of detachment. Something that is not easy for the average person. It is helpful to take this stance yet can be hard to put into practice.
Each of us comes into the world alone and become responsive to others and smiling comes before long. The human baby needs care and nourishment. We are born of love coming into love and being loved.
What we don’t know is that being too dependent, loving too much, does not ultimately help us. It is though, a matter of how we love. Babies and young children are smothered in love, cuddles and kisses or should be! There are people in society who have not had this experience, or for whom it has been cut short.
Children develop and need huge amounts of love, support, understanding and care on all fronts. Gradually, as the personality comes in, independence does too. The child knows there is love around them. Encouragement is important, coupled with love, but the need for overdoses of cuddles, sitting on knees etc. gradually drops.
This does not mean they no longer love their parents. The child is becoming a person in their own right. Of course this in the normal happy situation.
This can all be made pear-shaped when things go wrong. A child suffers loss, is stressed emotionally. If a parent dies or if parents separate and divorce it is a huge wrench in the child’s energy field. The same happens for an adult.
Feelings of lack, guilt, loss and sadness and maybe even fear, come into the aura. These are real. The emotions are not the person but attach and affect in a very real way. This must be addressed as otherwise future mental health could be affected.
It is a bit like having an arm or a leg chopped off. The energies of our relationships are part of our energetic field. They are part of who we are, and have become.Everybody and everything is linked and those pathways that are the strongest are the ones that on disappearance, are felt most. It is no good putting a plaster on the situation, it needs to be sorted properly.
There are techniques which can be taught to help and support beyond counselling. These are effective and sustainable.
Here are some examples below…
1. Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT)
This is tapping on the body to release energy points using two fingers, to free emotions being held there. The points are on top of the head, the forehead, around the eyes, under the nose, on the top lip and on the chin and top of the chest on the bone below the neck. These are the basic simple points. Tapping one by one three times for about three rounds, shifts energy.
2. Healing
Reiki or Spiritual Healing where hands are held mainly off the body so that the energy goes into the ‘patient’s ‘ body. One can be attuned to healing to work on oneself. It works to balance and calm the entire being.
3. Streamflowing ©
This is my own energy technique, based on a Tibetan practice. After having noticed each of the senses in turn, one expands the body by mentally, visualising that happening, This practice takes one to a different space. It’s calming.
4. Emotional Intelligence Therapy
It is to do with noticing emotions or the chief one that bothers you and pouring it out into an imaginary circle which you draw in front of you. Centre yourself sitting comfortably and visualise a circle. Saying ‘yes’ as you do so, let the fear, anger or sadness just empty into the circle. Once it has all left your body, collapse the imaginary circle and send it all off right away.
Keep trying these processes and find a practitioner to take you further.
