It’s an unfortunate inevitability. No matter how well-matched you and your BFF may be, there will almost certainly be a time when you make a misstep and end up falling – at least temporarily – out of their graces.
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Particularly if you depend heavily on your friend for love and support, this period of discord can be difficult to endure. The good news – it doesn’t have to last long. There are some simple things you can do to mend fences and regain the trust and admiration of your trusted friend. Follow these simple steps to put your relationship back on track.
1. Reach Out To Your Friend
All too often a fight between friends is followed by an intolerably long period of silent treatment. Instead of just retreating to your corner and waiting for your friend to finally make contact again, take the initiative yourself. This is a particularly wise choice if you’re the one who made the mistake that induced the fight.
Although texting can be a comfortable way to reach out, it’s rather informal and probably won’t lead to the desired reconciliation. Instead of this popular method of communication, go old school.
Stop by their house or give them a call. By communicating via these methods, you can more diplomatically mend fences and effectively communicate to them just how sincere your desire to make up really is.
2. Take Responsibility
In most cases, there isn’t one person who is entirely right and one person who is entirely wrong. In all likelihood, your fight came about because you both did something a little bit wrong and the situation snowballed. Despite this truth, taking responsibility – at least for your portion of the conflict – is critical to making up expeditiously.
When you speak to your friend, don’t mince your words. Openly and honestly apologize for what you did wrong. When doing so, don’t mention what they might have done wrong to cause or worsen the conflict.
They may or may not decide to apologize as well, but bringing up what you see as their mistake will only decrease the likelihood that your attempts at a make-up prove successful.
3. Listen Without Getting Defensive
Listening to your friend is just as important – perhaps even more important – than speaking to them. Your friendship has hit the rocks because they feel hurt. Allow them to share their thoughts and feelings.
It’s absolutely critical that, as they do this, you listen and avoid the urge to justify your actions. If your friend tells you that they were hurt by something you said, explaining to them why you said that just sends the message that their feelings aren’t valid. Instead of justifying or trying to explain away the errors you made, listen and apologize as necessary.
4. Speak Candidly About Your Friendship
There are probably lots of things that you love about your friendship. When making up with your friend, reminding them of these things is a wise choice. Share openly and honestly how much you love your friend’s creative spirit, their spiritual devotion or their sense of humor.
Sharing these compliments will further endear your friend to you and may encourage them to begin to forget about whatever conflict got you into this situation to begin with.
5. Give A Meaningful Gift
You shouldn’t try to buy back your friend, but you can give a simple and meaningful gift. Doing so will provide a tangible reminder to your friend of how much you value your friendship.
When selecting a gift, look for something that has some symbolic connection to your friendship or that is particularly well-suited to your friend. Procure a photo gift with a picture of you and your BFF sharing a moment together, or buy them a book that reminds you of your friendship.
These gifts, while simple, send a powerful message to your friend and can effectively facilitate a re-connection.
6. Plan A Reconciliation Activity
Just as you might plan a special date or outing for a former flame with whom you are trying to reignite the fire of passion, planning a special event to mark the rebirth of your friendship is a thoughtful and effective way to show how sincerely you care.
If your friend agrees to an outing with you, plan something that’s reflective of your friendship or reminiscent of when you were first forming an attachment to each other.
If you often exercised together in the early days of your friendship, for example, arrange a fun hike and pack some snacks that you can enjoy together while taking the walk.
Putting this extra effort into arranging an event is just another simple step in showing your friend how dedicated you are to rebuilding what you had.
7. Learn To Change
If you don’t want to fall into a vicious cycle of fights and make-ups, one or both of you needs to make a change. If your friend is important to you, you should be the one to make this change. When you apologized to your friend, you probably vowed to not do whatever you did wrong again.
Put your money where your mouth is and actually follow through with this vow. By doing so, you can prove to your friend both that you mean what you say and that they are important to you.
8. Write An Apology
In this 21st century world of rapid, largely informal communication, a handwritten apology has become profoundly powerful. Write your friend an apology letter and deliver it in person or send it in the mail. In your letter, be honest, open, supportive and sincere.
This option is an ideal one if your initial attempts at reaching out to your friend were met with resistance. In cases such as these, sending a letter allows you to connect with your friend and share your feelings even if they are hesitant to do so.
9. Be Patient
Regardless of how carefully you follow these steps and how sincere your desire to make up with your friend, it might not be able to happen as quickly as you would prefer. If your friend’s feelings were legitimately hurt by your conflict, it could take some time for them to get over it and truly move on.
The worst thing you can do in this situation is rush your friend. By rushing them, you inadvertently communicate that their feelings aren’t valid or important. You need to allow them time to work through any emotions they may be experiencing.
If they’re taking a while to get over the situation, the best thing you can do to encourage reconciliation is to communicate often – but not too often – that you are supportive of them and are there when they are ready and willing to communicate with you again. In a situation such as this, reaching out once or twice a week via phone or text is ideally supportive but not overwhelming.
