Everyone wants good sex. However, only 50 percent of surveyed, sexually active adults reported having a very satisfying sex life, as reported by ABC News.
If you’re on the unlucky half of this statistic, what’s the problem? What is it that’s preventing you from enjoying the sex life you have always longed for? There are actually a number of factors that could be keeping your sex life tame. By recognizing and responding to these factors, you can transform your sex life – and potentially positively impact this relatively sad statistic.
1. You Don’t Know Enough About Sex
There isn’t any shame in admitting some sexual ignorance; however, if you’re like many, you’re unlikely to be forthcoming in regards to areas of sex about which you might not know quite so much. Just as you can’t build a shed that will withstand a reasonable breeze without studying up, you can’t master the tactics and techniques necessary to be optimally successful in the bedroom if you don’t spend some time learning how these techniques work.
Not only will learning more about sex make you more capable of doing some magic between the sheets – it will also build your confidence. The more knowledgeable you become, the more confident you will be in your abilities to dazzle your partner and leave them wanting more.
2. You’ve De-Sexified Your Bed
What do you do in your bed? If your answer to this question contains more than two entries – sleeping and having sex – you are likely sabotaging your sex life. Don’t let re-runs of Seinfeld distract you from having the sex life you so desire. Make your bedroom a technology-free zone; this means no phones either. When you’re in your bed, focus on your relationship with your partner. By keeping this space sacred, you improve your ability to do so.
3. You’re Being Sabotaged By Popular Culture
You can’t turn on the TV without seeing two people having sex – or about to have sex – or thinking about sex. Sexual imagery is everywhere. Just like images of impossibly fit girls and guys can make it much more difficult for you to feel confident in your own body, seeing sex-related images splashed all over the TV screen can make you feel less than confident in your ability to sexually satisfy your partner.
If you feel like you’re forever trying to measure up to a shirtless Ryan Gosling or a bikini-clad Christy Teigan, perhaps it’s time to stop consuming so much of this media. Switch off for a while – specifically, programs that deal overtly with sex. As these mass media images of sex become less fresh in your mind, your self-confidence will likely grow.
4. You’re Busy
After running around like a madman all day, probably the last thing you want to do when you get home is anything strenuous – even if that thing is sex. As we become busier and busier we make less and less time for sex. Although it makes sense, in the long-run, allowing your hectic life to stand in the way of maintaining a healthy sex life could cause irrevocable harm to your relationship.
Sex is important. It’s a unique opportunity to connect to your partner in a way that you – hopefully – don’t connect to anyone else in the world. Don’t let a hectic work schedule, endless errands and a busy social life stand in the way of sex-life happiness. If you find that sex chronically takes the back seat, schedule it in. Having sex penciled into your itinerary might not seem very romantic, but it’s certainly better than not having sex at all.
5. You’re Not Excited Anymore
The first time you had sex, it was probably tremendously exciting – awkward as hell, but tremendously exciting. There isn’t anything you can do to return to these glory days, when sex was new and you were youthful and energetic and entirely unaware that these feelings were oh-so-fleeting. What you can do, however, is spice up your existing sex life.
If sex feels compulsory, you’re likely in a sex rut. Get out of it by mixing it up. Take a sexy class with your partner if you feel that either of you – or both of you – would benefit from learning some new techniques. Try dressing up and taking on roles. Plan dates to exotic – or not so exotic – locations, as a change of scenery can often make a major difference.
If you’ve come to realize that the reason your sex-drive is lagging is because you just aren’t as full of youthful zeal as you once were, share this with your partner. Although you may feel that doing so will hurt them – and it may just a little bit – this isn’t a burden you can shoulder alone. If you really want to make a lasting improvement to your sex life, you and your partner need to get to and stay on the same page.
6. You Don’t Want To Talk To Your Partner About Sex
You want to paint your bedroom. Do you visit the hardware store alone and, blushing, select a color, come home, slap it on the walls and hope that your partner loves it? Probably not. You probably sit down with color swatches and debate the merits of each hue. Why would you dedicate so much more time and engage in so much more open discussion about something as simple as paint than you do for something as important as your sex life?
It’s natural to not want to talk about sex. You might feel ill-at-ease asking your partner to do something that satisfies you, and you might worry about how their review would look if you asked them to rank your abilities. You need to overcome this, however, if you want an optimally colorful sex life.
Sit down in a comfortable location at a time when you have ample minutes and hours to dedicate to the discussion. Promise your partner in advance that you won’t be offended by anything that they say – and keep this promise. While it might make you a bit uncomfortable at first, as you spend more and more time discussing it you’ll become increasingly comfortable with the conversation, and your sex life will undoubtedly improve.
7. Your Medicines Are Interfering
If your sex life went from top notch to virtually non-existent seemingly overnight, the culprit could be a bit more serious – medication. Lots of medicines interfere with your sex drive. Tragically, birth control pills are a common culprit.
Never stop taking a medication without consulting your doctor, even if you are relatively certain that this medicine is making your time between the sheets lackluster. Be open and honest with your doctor and tell them your concerns. You’re an adult. You can talk about sex – especially to your trusted partner.