Being newly single can be a hard transition to make, and you will probably feel a range of emotions. That will likely include anger, sadness, fear and many others. You might also not feel like going about your daily life. It can be hard to continue with your normal routine without someone who meant a lot to you.
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While it’s definitely important to take care of yourself after a breakup, there are some mistakes you can make that will turn the process into an even harder one. Take the time to nurture and acknowledge your feelings, but avoiding some things will make this easier and help you come out the other side without a lot of emotional turmoil or any lasting changes to an otherwise happy life.
1. Rushing Into Another Relationship
One of the biggest mistakes you can make is to start a new relationship right away. After ending one relationship, you need to take a break before starting a new one. By taking a break to be on your own, you give your heart and mind the opportunity to heal while also giving you the chance to assess what went wrong and decide what you want out of your next relationship.
Experts recommend not having any type of romantic relationship for a while and that includes sleeping with someone, going on dates or any other kind of romantic interactions. By avoiding these instances, you prevent rushing into another relationship that may not work out, which can cause you, even more heartbreak and further disrupt your life.
2. Numbing Yourself
There are many ways you can numb your pain, and most of them are harmful and will only delay your healing process. If you try to cover up your heartbreak with alcohol, drugs or other substances, you may feel better at the time, but that won’t continue. Not only will you be dealing with a breakup, but you could find yourself battling an addiction as well. Combined with staying single, you should also avoid covering up your pain with other things, such as watching too much television, sitting in a bar all night or calling your friends and crying all night long. Find things you love and distract yourself with healthy things, such as knitting, reading or volunteering.
Find things you love and distract yourself with healthy things, such as knitting, reading or volunteering. This is an easy way to nurture yourself and work through the breakup without masking your emotions. With time, you’ll start to feel better about your situation and can work toward being ready for a new relationship.
3. Not Admitting Your Failures
Perhaps you were blindsided by the ending of your relationship, but chances are you both played a role in what went wrong. Even if you are mostly blameless in how things ended up, it makes sense to assess the entire situation so that you can see what you might change in a future relationship that will make it more successful. It can be very hard to acknowledge your shortcomings, but it’s a major step in being sure that your next relationship works out and is long-lasting. Don’t fall into the trap of taking all the blame, but go ahead and allow yourself to see what you could do differently or better next time around.
4. Fighting Over People And Things
Chances are that your failed relationship will probably affect other people in your lives. This is especially true if you have children together. But it could also mean shared friends or co-workers. You will probably also have shared belongings or maybe even a pet, and now you’re faced with dividing those things between you.
The worst mistake you can make is to argue and fight over these things. If you stay calm and work things out in an adult way, you will probably reach an agreement you both feel is fair when it comes to who gets custody of the kids, who gets which possessions and who will care for the pets or home. If you have shared friends, give it some time and you should both be able to nurture those friendships apart from each other.
5. Failing To Consider Finances
If you and your ex-shared finances in any way, whether you shared household expenses or you had a joint bank account, it’s a big mistake to avoid taking care of the issue. You will have to divide assets or remove one another’s name from important paperwork. That means you are going to have to face a new financial situation.
You may need to move to a smaller home, cut some luxuries from your life or sell items you can no longer afford. This certainly won’t make your healing process any easier, but it’s important to face matters head on and get them taken care of so that you can protect your assets and move on without suffering any long-term financial issues.
6. Not Asking For Help
A breakup is very hard and can be emotionally draining. It’s never a good idea to assume you can handle things on your own. It’s vital to have a support network made up of trusted people who can help you navigate your new reality. These people can help you make financial and legal decisions, can assist you in moving your things to a new home or simply be there as a shoulder to cry one when you feel overwhelmed and sad.
Don’t make the mistake of trying to handle everything on your own, and don’t be afraid to ask for help when you need it. This will make your healing process easier and healthier. You might also consider seeing a therapist to help you work through some of the emotions that go along with ending a relationship.
7. Forgetting To Set New Goals
Ending a relationship is difficult and can cause a lot of upheaval in your life. Instead of riding the wave and hoping for the best, you should immediately make some new goals and decide how you’re going to reach them. This can include new financial goals and legal goals, but you could also make goals for how you’ll approach your next relationship and things you can do to enjoy your time as a single person. Don’t forget to include goals associated with bettering yourself and building a happy and healthy life, even if you are on your own.
Breaking up is hard to do, as the song says, but it doesn’t have to be the thing that ruins your life. Sure, it’s going to be difficult and there will be times that will make you want to give up. However, avoiding the mistakes on this list will go a long way toward helping you heal your heart and mind and then move on to another relationship that is healthy and happy and lasts for a lifetime. You may decide that staying single is a better choice for you, and that’s a perfectly fine decision to make.