A toxic relationship is one that won’t stand the test of time. There are many things that can make a relationship toxic, from poor communication to abuse.
However, there are some healthy habits that your relationship needs, but many of them are things that people mistakenly assume are bad for a couple. The first defense about taking care of your partnership is knowledge.
Once you’re aware of what can make or break a relationship, you can prepare for those things so that the two of you can work together to keep your relationship strong and healthy. These “toxic” things should be incorporated today.
1. Leaving Things Unresolved
You might worry that an unfinished fight is going to doom your relationship. Sure, you should take the time and effort to work out major differences and conflict so that there is peace and a sense of togetherness between the two of you. However, in some cases, it’s best to let things go. Sometimes you are going to have to agree to disagree.
In fact, prominent marriage researcher, John Gottman, states that some of the longest lasting and healthiest relationships have unresolved issues that have been there for decades. As a couple, you must come to terms with the idea that you will have conflict and that sometimes you won’t be able to come to an agreeable resolution.
Even if the two of you fight over that certain issue for your entire lives, it doesn’t necessarily mean you won’t last. The bottom line here is that changing each other probably isn’t going to happen, and you need to devise a way to live with the issue rather than killing yourselves trying to resolve it.
2. Don’t Be Afraid To Hurt Each Other’s Feelings
A common misconception among people in love is that they should never do anything to hurt each other’s feelings. However, that can lead to lies to preserve the peace, which is something that is certainly not good for a relationship.
On the other hand, being in a loving and committed partnership means you both should be able to say the hard stuff when it needs to be said. Even when those words can hurt the other person, most relationship experts agree that honesty is far more important than a minor bit of hurt feelings.
Relationships that gloss over the truth to keep someone from being hurt ultimately don’t last as long, because a lack of honesty in some things can lead to lies about other things and a general sense of distrust on the part of both people.
3. You Might Need To End Things
Today’s culture is far different from past generations when marriage was something that was forever. In fact, many pre-marriage counselors tell their clients that they should never even bring up ending the relationship.
However, as times have changed, research shows that being willing to call it off can be good for a relationship. Why? Because the idea that your partner is going to be there no matter what gives you a sort of license to let yourself go and neglect each other.
When there’s an understanding that the partnership could end when things get tough, it gives both people more motivation to keep the relationship healthy and happy. Of course, marriage vows are still something to take seriously too.
4. Attraction To Others Isn’t A Death Sentence
The honest truth is that just because you’re in a relationship, it doesn’t mean that you will never find someone else attractive. Of course, you shouldn’t be out looking for new potential partners, but finding people visually appealing isn’t really something you can control.
The experts say that a healthy relationship allows those feelings to occur, but then lets them go. For people who try to suppress these feelings, the eventual urge to act on them may occur, which is something that could definitely wind up killing a relationship. Attraction isn’t the same thing as intimacy.
5. Being Apart Is Good For You Both
A couple who spends every second together will only wind up resentful and unhappy. You both have your own interests and friends and those things should not take a back burner just because you are part of a couple.
Spending time apart keeps the spark there because it gives you plenty to talk about when you are both back together. It also ensures that you both stay the person that the other fell in love with. Also, as the saying goes, “absence makes the heart grow fonder.”
6. Accept Each Other’s Flaws
You can’t change a person, and everyone has flaws. The trick to a successful relationship is to find a person with flaws you can live with. When you love someone, those flaws won’t look quite so bad. When you choose someone with the idea that you will meld them into the perfect partner, you only set yourself up for failure and heartache.
If you can find someone whose flaws are quirky, but part of why you love them, you have the making of a healthy relationship. At the same time, when you are accepting of your partner’s flaws, they are more apt to be more accepting of yours, which will make you both happier and your partnership stronger and healthier.
All that being said, there are certain things that help to ensure a long-lasting and healthy relationship. According to Psychology Today, there are many things that can help you create a functioning and enjoyable partnership.
Those things include a mutual respect for each other, which is a surefire way to destroy a relationship when it doesn’t go both ways. Healthy couples also argue from time to time, but they don’t fight dirty and they don’t abuse each other when it happens.
Experts also say that a healthy sex life is also important, which includes agreeing on frequency and not pushing each other to do things you aren’t comfortable with. A relationship is also much more likely to last the test of time if there is agreement on parenting, money and common values and morals.
It’s true that people who are opposites can be fully compatible, but agreeme
nt on the big things is something that is pretty important for the health and lifespan of a relationship. People who lack these things are bound to find problems with their partnership and may end up calling it off.
If you’re having relationship problems that you’d like to address, couples counseling is always a viable option that is successful in many instances. Talk to your partner about what you hope to gain from counseling and choose a therapist you both feel comfortable seeing and talking with.
Many relationships have been saved by using the techniques learned in therapy, and it’s never something to be embarrassed about or ashamed to seek out. You’ll be so glad you did it and so will your partner as you grow together.
