Do you feel empty and alone deep inside? Not the type of alone when you’re by yourself or with someone who isn’t connected to you, as that’s more like being lonely. You’re lonely when you’re full of love to share but have no one around to receive it or the people who are around you are closed off to it.
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Lonely is something you can still feel even when you’re surrounded by a group of people. Being alone deep inside is different than being lonely, as it has nothing to do with other people. This type of alone is when you have a lost, hollow feeling inside, as if you’re just out there in space with nothing to tether to. It stems from not being connected to yourself or a higher source of love, and it’s more a form of self-abandonment than anything else.
To get the bigger picture, imagine a baby being left on its own. He or she cries, but no one ever comes. Eventually, the baby panics but then shuts down because of the fear of what will happen if no one ever answers.
The above scenario is what happens inside of you when you don’t attend to your own feelings. When you feel helpless, anxious, shamed, depressed, heartbroken, grieved or angry but you ignore all those emotions, you end up feeling alone and numb. Avoiding these feelings by staying in your own head, judging yourself, giving into addictions to numb all your feelings or trying to make someone else responsible for those feelings are all self-abandonment avenues. But when you go down those roads, you’re also inviting that empty and alone feeling to take up residence inside.
One way to combat that feeling is by learning to love yourself, even when you feel particularly overcome by that dreaded empty and hollow feeling. Try these five ways to love yourself even when you feel totally alone on the deepest levels of your being.
1. Embrace Your Feelings
If a baby was crying and upset, chances are you’d pick the infant up and try to figure out what they need. That’s also how you need to approach your feelings, with a strong desire to learn what they are trying to tell you and what you can do to provide relief or what’s needed. Your feelings have valuable information about how you’re treating yourself, how you’re being treated by others and which situations or events need your attention.
Evaluate what you are feeling fully, and try to discover its root cause rather than ignoring it entirely. Part of loving yourself means being completely present in your body and with your emotions. You need to face them with compassion instead of avoiding them altogether; otherwise, they will drown you out and drag you down.
2. Connect With A Higher Source
Learn how to connect with a higher source of wisdom and love so you can bring those lights within. It’s not as hard as you may think. When you decide that you want to love yourself rather than simply avoiding pain, you’re inviting deep change. When you open yourself up to your feelings, you might just find that you’re also opening yourself up to a higher source at the same time, and that can help banish your alone feeling by bringing love into that empty space.
3. Look At The Day-To-Day
Think about how you treat yourself on a daily basis. Are you treating yourself as someone who is important and deserving of love and respect, or do you place expectations that just aren’t reasonable on yourself? Look at your behaviors and ask yourself what they say about your relationship to yourself.
Things like a poor diet, lack of sleep and lack of exercise signal you’re not showing yourself much love. If you’re not treating yourself like you would treat a loved one in your life, you can’t ever feel the love that is inside of you. Make treating yourself better a priority in your life. Don’t shortchange your sleep, your diet or anything else that your body and mind need to work at their very best.
4. Be Okay With Your Shadow
Being human, you’re going to make some mistakes and do some bad things. But you can’t let those drag you down. Forgive yourself for all the mistakes you’ve made, as you are only human. There is no point in beating yourself up over the past. If you find you’re having a hard time letting go of things you’ve done, start by forgiving others first. This line of thinking also extends to actions or feelings like being lazy, jealous or other not-so-great things at times.
Accepting that you’ve got some rough edges is necessary if you’re to ever fully love yourself, as they are part of who you are. You can’t really love yourself if you can’t accept yourself just how you come.
Try spending a little time in silence, without the white noise of TV, the web, busyness or gossip. You need to spend some quiet time with yourself to discover who you truly are. Turn that phone off and really be by yourself, with no music, videos or other distractions. Don’t fear what appears when you do this. Even if it’s darkness at first, it will pass, and you will be much better off for the experience.
5. Express Yourself
Get your life and your feelings down on paper. A journal is a solid way to explore yourself and your feelings without fear of judgment by other people. Start by writing out your entire life story, as best you can remember it. Don’t leave out the bad things, either—complete honesty is key here. Write down abuse, trauma, or anything bad you experienced.
Cover all the bad things you did yourself, and be completely honest about your role in those negative events. Look for patterns, repeated behaviors in your life that have cost you or stalled your progress. This won’t be easy, but it will give you valuable insight into who you are today and how you became the person you are. Once you’ve got that all out there, it will become much easier to work on yourself as a person while still loving the person you are. When you figure yourself out on a deeper level, you’ll be able to show yourself some understanding that you may not have been able to provide before.
The bonus here is that since you will recognize habits or patterns that are interfering with your life now, you’ll be better able to avoid those traps in the future.
Start on your journey to loving yourself today so you can experience a life that is full of love and joy. By learning to embrace yourself as a person, you’ll feel much less empty and be better able to share your love with others!