Searching the Internet for “great sex” can lead to some… well, interesting results.
With a keyword that’s a potential minefield, it’s not always easy to find simple yet effective advice to add a little oomph to your sex life. Lucky for you, the following three tips below are easy, valuable and shouldn’t set off the porn filter at work.
1. Advanced Planning Is Totally Okay
It’s easy to think awesome sex is spontaneous, like it is on the beach in who-knows-how-many romantic movies. But beach sex in real life usually equals avoidable downsides like sand in terrible spots and brush burns everywhere without a little advanced planning, and that’s somewhat true of sex in general.
It’s okay to plan sex ahead of time; in fact, you should! You don’t have to have a long conversation with your partner about it, but if you know in advance, you can do little things to make yourself feel sexier and heighten the anticipation.
Get rid of that unwanted hair, put on your best lingerie or underwear, spray some perfume or cologne—whatever gets you more in the mood. Create a space that naturally encourages spontaneity within it. In the bedroom, for instance, you can set up candles and prep a little background music.
2. Try Being Comfortable Sometimes
You and your partner don’t have to turn into a pair of amateur contortionists every time you get down to it. Sure, trying new positions can be fun and exciting, and variety is the spice of life, but it is okay to keep it simple on occasion.
If a new position is making either of you physically uncomfortable, it does lessen the overall experience, even if the discomfort is just mild.
Talk to your partner about when it’s time to try new positions. Let him or her know that it’s okay to pick a favorite style and stick with it when either of you are having one of those days.
Lay some ground rules or signals to keep you both on the same page. “I’m tired today,” for example, could signal to your partner that it’s time for old reliable instead of that new position about which you were both curious.
Encourage each other to be honest about positioning before and during sex, if necessary, for a more satisfying experience all the way around.
3. Remember Actions Speak Louder Than Words
With even 100-percent open communication about sex, which is elusive for most people, you may be missing out if you’re slacking in the action department.
While you should tell your partner about every new thing you want to try to make sure he or she is okay with it beforehand, you don’t have to announce it in detail at the exact moment you want to try it if you already have consent.
Try nonverbal signals instead. A nonverbal signal still gives your partner a heads up and time to say “No” if he or she has changed their minds, but these cues also can add a little thrill if the answer is still “Yes.”
Say you want to a try a blindfold. Instead of announcing that you’re putting it on, you could sit behind your partner, give a little back massage and quietly slip it on over his or her eyes, noting the reaction to confirm the gesture is welcome.
Above all, always be open about what you want, and be receptive to your partners’ needs too! Great sex doesn’t have to be complicated; it just has to work for both of you on the most loving and compatible levels possible.
Eliminating some mind reading and guesswork can really open up a whole other area of pleasure in the bedroom.