Finding your boundaries in your relationships, especially new ones, can be both hard and overwhelming. If you’re anything like me, then you’re a people-pleaser.
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You want everyone to like you, and you feel guilty if you don’t spend enough time with someone or give them enough attention.
From my own experience, I know what happens when I let my boundaries get stomped on: resentment creeps in and I start giving up the things that bring me joy and happiness in order to cater to everyone else.
Most of the time, the other person isn’t even aware I am putting myself on the back burner because it’s by my own decisions.
It’s my issue to deal with.
I know, when I put others before myself, again and again, I forget what I want and need.
I lose my sense of self and end up with just a heart full of anger and an attitude of annoyance. No healthy relationship can thrive on those things.
So how do I curb my need for people-pleasing? How do I set my boundaries back up?
1. Talk It Out
Talk with your partner about your needs and wants. Do you need more alone time? More nights out with the girls (or guys)?
If you are not communicating your needs with them, how are they supposed to know? Communication is the key to any great relationship.
2. Mark It On The Calendar
Make time for yourself and your hobbies on the calendar.
This way everyone knows that that day is yours.
Planning ahead to spend time by yourself or with your friends will help you stick to your word and not feel as guilty.
3. Stop Feeling Guilty
Remind yourself that there’s nothing wrong with needing/wanting time to yourself.
Your partner needs time to his/her self as well, and you don’t see them feeling guilty about it!
Spending all your time with your partner can be very overwhelming sometimes, so a break is always nice.
You both need time to catch your breath and relax.
Of course, as a chronic people-pleaser, reminding myself to do these things and not feel guilty about it is a challenge.
I seem to feel as though I’m not giving my partner enough attention, which only leads to me putting aside my own wishes, doing what he wants to do and then feeling resentment towards him.
When I do make time for myself: working out, drawing, sewing, taking walks, etc.
I come back feeling refreshed and full of love.
Relationships are hard work. It’s easy to put yourself last in order to make others happy.
But forgetting your own happiness will ultimately take a toll on the relationship as well.
Plan at least one day for yourself to do what makes you happy and see what happens.
I can guarantee you’ll find more love and happiness, both in yourself and with your partner.