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10 Questions You’re Dying To Ask A Sex Therapist

If you’re like many people, your brain is filled with questions you’d love to ask a sex therapist, but you’d rather get the answers without having someone look at your love life with a microscope.

Now you’re in luck, because some of the most common questions and their answers are listed below. Time to dig in and get educated about all those sex life necessities you’ve wanted to get the scoop about. There’s no need to let shyness hold you back any longer.

1. Why Do Most People Seek Sex Therapy?

Although erectile dysfunction was among the most common reasons years ago, it has since been overtaken by a lack of desire to have sex. You may be surprised to discover that the problem is not gender specific.

Also, as many sex therapists will tell you, if you’ve realized sex no longer contains the excitement it once did and you’re characteristically never in the mood, there may not be a straightforward solution. It should be comforting, though, to know that not only are you not alone, but the problem you’re facing is a common one.

2. Have You Ever Seen Something Too Weird To Believe?

There’s no shortage of interesting things people will do when they want to get aroused in the bedroom. It makes sense then to wonder if sex therapists regularly see things that are so out of the ordinary, it’s hard to believe they’re actually happening.

Although therapists deal with plenty of odd sex fetishes, some have said the fetishes aren’t quite the most abnormal things they’ve seen. They caution that they think it’s quite strange when couples rarely kiss each other on the lips and possibly can’t even remember the last time they did so.

3. Is My Sex Life Strange?

Many people understandably really want to ask sex therapists if their time in the bedroom is normal. It’s important to remember that there is a great deal of variety in terms of the things romantic partners do when they are intimate with each other. Keep in mind that as long as you’re acting safely and not harming yourself or others, your sex life can be considered normal.

4. How Many Times Per Week Do Most People Have Sex?

Although sex therapists say the majority of people who come through their offices have sex once or twice a week, it’s smart to realize that there can be variation in that amount for any number of reasons, and some of them don’t even directly relate to sex. For example, new couples tend to have sex more often than people who have been together for a while. And, the frequency at which couples have sex tends to go down the longer they’re together.

In addition, things like traveling, financial stress and long hours at the office can all cause couples to be less in the mood to slip between the sheets. Rather than being fixated on having sex for a certain number of times per week, it’s more important to settle on a frequency that works for both of you, and stay aware of if it changes.

5. What Might Indicate My Relationship Is In Trouble?

Sex therapists say if you’re no longer engaging in daily intimate acts with your partner, that’s cause for concern. Keep in mind that doesn’t mean all the intimacy has to involve intercourse. Intimate acts can also include cuddling, kissing and holding hands.

Whether you’ve noticed that the intimate actions in your love life have gradually decreased, or been nonexistent for a while, a lack thereof suggests it’s a good idea to actually book an appointment with a sex therapist rather than just reading this piece.

6. Is Masturbation A Necessity?

Many people think masturbation is just something people do if they’re single, but it can also be an important part of a sex life for partners. That’s because masturbation can help people become more confident and discover what they like in the bedroom.

However, if masturbation is just something you don’t have time to do, or lack the desire to engage in it, don’t worry. Masturbation is important for many couples, but not crucial. You may even want to bring toys into the bedroom and use them to demonstrate the things you’ve done while masturbating alone that you really liked.

7. I’m Still Into My Partner, But Can’t Get Aroused – Why?

One of the first things to do is make sure you’re not dealing with a physical problem that’s affecting your ability to get aroused. So, for starters, go to your physician and get a full check-up. If you receive a clean bill of health, take a look at things that could be triggering you emotionally in ways that make it harder to become turned on. Stress is often a major reason why people find it hard to enjoy sex or want to have it.

Depression could also be to blame, meaning it’s a good idea to see a counselor about whatever’s causing you to feel blue.

8. Is It Possible To Repair A Relationship After Cheating?

Sex therapists say a relationship’s not necessarily doomed if one person cheats. However, it’s important for the cheater to promise and commit to complete honesty. Furthermore, it’s often helpful for the victim to be permitted to express his or her feelings for 10 minutes a day. When these venting sessions are restricted to a specific amount of time but still take place daily, it can reduce the amount of fights people have as they try to rebuild their relationships after infidelity.

9. How Can I Tell My Partner What I Want?

Some people become shy when it comes to trying to tell their partners what works best for them in bed. If you can relate, there’s no need to remain tight-lipped. However, keep in mind that sometimes you can be very instructive about what you want without having to say a word.

Body language can go a long way. In general, communication is the key to a healthy sex life, especially when trying new techniques or getting used to having sex with someone you haven’t known for very long.

10. It’s Hard To Find Time For Sex – Can You Help?Pin It

The pressing responsibilities of life can often make it hard for couples to set aside time for sex. That’s why you may have to go as far as marking off your intimate time on a calendar and only breaking that obligation if there’s an emergency. Make your sex life a regular priority, even if that means sacrificing other things.

Hopefully, the answers to these questions have satisfied your curiosity and made you realize that the topic of sex is not taboo under the proper circumstances. Although you may not want to go around your workplace talking about your sex life, having intimate relations with someone you love is an excellent way to keep the partnership strong.

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Katherine Hurst
By Heather Redwood
Heather Redwood graduated from Penn State University with a Speech Communication degree, and specializes in communication therapy. She has logged over 15,000 hours in one-to-one sessions with men and women, helping them to cope with codependency issues and love and sex addiction. She also specializes in online dating and marriage counselling.

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