You’re oh-so in love and spending so much time together, and it really stinks to have to live out of your gym duffle, so why not move in together?
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While it’s true that living a transient life while in that difficult-to-navigate middle ground between just dating and actually cohabitating is problematic, it’s not the best idea to just jump right in and give up your own place.
Living with someone is serious business, and moving out if it doesn’t work is a messy pain, so before you trade out his tattered comforter for your silky bedspread, make sure you really consider all of the factors involved.
1. What Does The Future Hold?
If you are considering moving in with your lover but you haven’t yet discussed what your, hopefully shared, ultimate goals are it’s time for an important conversation. Even if you’re desperately in love, if your plans don’t line up it’s not going to work out in the end and moving in together isn’t a smart choice.
2. Have You Actually Tried This?
Remember that time you went to Girl Scout camp because your mom said it would be fun and you would make great friends and what actually ended up happening was you got the worst case of poison ivy, like, maybe in history, and discovered your secret loathing for all things green? Wouldn’t it be great if you could try things out before you committed? Well, this time you can.
Before you tote your stuff all across town and give up that lease, spend a week living with your lover and see how it actually works out. With that week under your belt, you can move forward more confident in your plan and assured that this will be, if not amazing, at least not immediately painful.
3. Who’s Paying What?
It’s a statistic so often shared that it’s become a cliché: The #1 cause of relationship woes is money. Dealing with dollars and cents becomes particularly difficult when you move in together.
Don’t just bury your head in the sands of your love and wish away any issues. Instead, have a frank and important conversation about it. Share with your partner how much you make and how much you can afford, and ask him to do the same. By taking care of this disclosure piece now, you can prevent future arguments before they happen.
4. How Important Is Cleanliness?
No one’s judging here. If you’re totally cool with accruing a leaning-tower-of-Pisa-esque stack of Chinese take-out containers before you do anything about it, that’s your prerogative. Being excessively messy, or excessively clean for that matter, can present an issue, however, if your new love/roomie doesn’t share your particular preference.
Make a conscious effort to observe your love in his natural habitat to assess his true level of cleanliness. If it looks like there might be a conflict in your styles, discuss.
5. Who’s Going To Do The Chores?
This isn’t kindergarten. You don’t need a chore chart complete with stickers and candy rewards for completion. You do however need to have some plan as to who is going to complete the tasks necessary to keep your house running properly.
If you take some time and discuss this pre-moving-in, you can avoid that evening of arguing about who should be doing the dishes and taking out the trash.
6. Do Your Leisure Styles Match?
When you move in with someone, you will spend copious, sometimes excessive, amounts of time with that person.
If you’re idea of a good evening is slipping into your Netflix pants and working your way through a box of wine before passing out on the sofa at quarter-past-nine but his is throwing a raging party that will stretch into the wee hours of the morning, you might find cohabitation difficult.
7. Who’s Moving Out If This Doesn’t Work?
Though it may seem an exercise in prophesizing your relationship’s demise, thinking about what you’re going to do if it doesn’t work out before you move in together is an exceptionally smart decision. Yes, it might be all sunshine, rainbows and unicorns once you and your love finally occupy the same residence, but it could just as easily turn out decidedly less rosy.
While you don’t need to pen a strategic exit strategy, discussing this difficult albeit important topic might save you heartache in the end.
