Dating can be a hard road to navigate at any age or stage in life. Finding someone you love and that you want to spend time with is the obvious reason why you choose to date a person, but that doesn’t make it easy to find that special someone.
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Whether you’re young and just entering the dating pool, you’re divorced and ready to try again, or you lost the love of your life and want to find someone new to share your life with, there are some dating mistakes that you can avoid to help your chances of success. If you find yourself doing any of the following things, make a hard effort to stop so that you can find The One and leave the dating scene once and for all.
1. You Have To Ask Questions Instead Of Talking Yourself
According to the world renowned Dr. Phil, everyone loves to talk about themselves most of all. That means you must ask your date lots of questions and give them the chance to answer and elaborate. Resist the urge to jump in and add your own stories and anecdotes. What you’re doing here is creating a positive experience for your date, thereby ensuring that you will get another one. At the same time, you get the chance to learn more about the person, helping you decide if you even want to go on another date with them.
Be open to social cues too; if they look bored with what you’re saying, stop and start to ask questions. The objective is to make the date pleasant while also learning more about each other. So, don’t let your date dominate the conversation either. If they aren’t interested in learning more about you, maybe you should consider finding someone new to date. Don’t be an accessory to someone else’s ego.
2. Forget Chemistry On Your First Date
Everyone likes to think they’ll find love at first sight, but the reality is that it nearly never happens. Before you can decide if you want to date someone or spend your life with them, you have to get to know them and discover the chemistry that will keep you together. Let’s be honest; it’s very difficult to decide if you’re compatible with someone just by looking at them. Dr. Phil says that there are several types of chemistry, including spiritual, intellectual and emotional that are apart from the physical pull you might feel when you first meet someone.
Besides being physically attracted to your date, your time together should include creating a positive chemistry on all levels. That’s going to take much more than just seeing each other across a crowded room. You must spend time learning about each other, whether your priorities in a mate are someone who is kind, level-headed, a daredevil, religious or a good parent. You also want a person who is intelligent so that you can carry on a conversation with them. You probably want a person who has similar interests and passions too.
It’s impossible to find that chemistry with someone whom you’ve only seen and never talked to. You will have to talk to each other, so use your skills from Tip #1 above to really learn about the person you’re dating so that you can find that chemistry or not, allowing you to continue or move on to someone else.
3. Never Talk About Previous Relationships
Even if your previous partner has died, it’s a good idea to avoid bringing up previous partners in the beginning of a new dating relationship. When the time comes to discuss those things, try to do so in a positive way instead of saying mean and nasty things about that person. That just tells your new date that when someone isn’t around, you have no problem talking about them when they can’t hear about it.
If your date asks you specific questions about the people you have dated in the past, don’t avoid the question, but try to answer it without getting angry and nasty. At the same time, unless you want to have a lot of worry and concern about this person, don’t even think about asking them about their past relationships. This is a conversation best saved for when you have built a trusting relationship and are ready to move things to the next level.
4.Leave Your Past Baggage At Home
Everyone comes to a new relationship with a certain amount of baggage. It’s impossible not to do that, especially if you were previously in an abusive or otherwise unhealthy relationship. The trick is to start your new dating relationship with a clean mental slate. Don’t look at your new date as having the same upsetting or deal breaker characteristics of your previous ones.
According to Dr. Phil, that only serves to contaminate a relationship from the get-go, dramatically reducing your chances of success. Leave all that behind you, and see this new person as your potential soulmate, which is a person you want to treat in a healthy and loving way right from the start. It’s hard to leave behind your baggage, but you won’t find a forever partner until you learn to wait to unpack that baggage until the time is right.
5. Some Things Are Better Left Unsaid
You definitely don’t want to go into a new relationship being labeled as an over-sharer. That means you want to have an engaging and fulfilling conversation that makes you both want to have more dates. You shouldn’t talk about things that are so personal and off-putting that your date is uncomfortable and just wants the day to end. You don’t need to share your entire life story with your date; otherwise, you won’t have anything new to talk about on future dates.
You want to be open and sharing, but draw the line with talking about everything that’s ever happened to you. If your date starts to over-share, simply steer the conversation back to safer territory. This can avoid a lot of awkwardness and save a budding relationship!
The dating scene can be overwhelming and daunting, but don’t be afraid to get back out there and try again. Many people find success with speed dating or online dating because they can check out potential dates without committing to hours together.
If that makes you more comfortable, look into groups in your area. In the meantime, try new things such as joining groups for sports or book clubs so that you have a chance to meet new people. Chances are it won’t be too long before you find at least one person you want to spend more time with. Enjoy the ride and move on if things don’t work out. Keeping your head, and heart, in the game is the only way to ensure that you’ll find the person you’re meant to be with eventually. Good luck!
