When we think about sex, we usually don’t associate it with fears beyond whether our butts look too big or if we’re making funny faces.
With sex becoming more commonplace in the media, it’s only natural to assume we’re not as nearly as anxious about it today as we were decades ago, right…?
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As it turns out, that’s pretty wrong as far as conclusions go!
While sex is certainly talked about more freely now than in, say, the 1950s, we still have hang-ups we may not even know we’re experiencing, and those hang-ups can affect sexual experiences in a negative way.
If you’re dealing with some common sex fears, you’re not alone, and you can get yourself right back in the sack with new-found confidence using the following tips.
Unable To Satisfy
Both men and women may harbor fears about not being able to satisfy their partner. According to “Psychology Today,” this can come from concern about your partner leaving you if you’re unable to meet his or her sexual needs or what you perceive the needs to be.
Being in this situation can lead you to make sure your partner is satisfied always without regard to your own enjoyment.
Talk to your partner openly about the fear you’re experiencing. Don’t hold back, as being honest here is the key.
A good partner will want you satisfied, too, and may have the same fear him or herself. By talking about what you’re feeling and creating an open dialogue about your wants and desires and those of your partner, both of you can “go home happy”!
Fear Of Rejection
It’s certainly not a man’s game anymore. Fear of rejection is seen in both men and women and it does happen. Seth Stephens-Davidowitz, a contributing writer for “The New York Times,” analyzed Google searches related to sex.
His results indicated both married and unmarried men and women were complaining about the same thing in large numbers, namely why their partner wouldn’t have sex with them.
Fear of rejection is normal under many circumstances, such as when you’re working up the nerve to ask someone out on a date, but it can be even more intimidating when it comes to sex. Being rejected, especially by someone you’re in a committed relationship with, can make you feel undesirable, unloved and lonely.
Get to the root of your partner’s rejections by going to him or her and being upfront about your feelings. Tell your partner how the rejection makes you feel.
Ask why he or she doesn’t want to have sex, but be careful with your wording. Don’t make your partner feel bad or wrong for not wanting to have sex. Make it clear that you’re hurt by the rejection, but also concerned about your partner’s reasons and his or her feelings and well-being.
Work with your partner toward a more fulfilling sex life by gaining a better understanding of what he or she is thinking and feeling.
Worry About Normalcy
When it comes to sex, both women and men may fear being “normal” in their desires, fantasies, preferences and just about everything else. Whatever society has deemed normal is safe, while anything else you may be interested in is off the table, per Dr. Marty Klein.
Normal is a relative word when it comes to sex, however, and it’s a safe bet to say healthy sexual activity shouldn’t involve seriously injuring another person, lack of consent or breaking laws. Speak to your partner about anything you want to try but aren’t confident in, and listen to your partner’s desires in return.
Research areas you’re both interested in but not very informed about, as just like anything else, a little knowledge and preparation beforehand can improve your experience.