When you’re younger and your hormones are raging, sex seems like a mystical, faraway experience you talk with your friends about in hushed or whispered tones.
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It’s new, somewhat intimidating, and even downright scary, but it’s also exciting with an enticing sense of forbidden at the same time.
As you get older and start having relationships, it becomes demystified and even routine in some cases, and this can be where problems start. The more experienced you are, the more likely it is that you’ve settled into patterns in your sex life, and you may not even realize that you’re repeatedly making some popular mistakes.
You don’t have to reinvent the wheel to reinvigorate your sex life. More satisfaction for you and your partner is just a bedroom away by learning the three common sex mistakes and using the following tips to avoid them.
Not Initiating It
Failing to initiate sex is a mistake of which both men and women are guilty. Author and Seattle Pacific University Psychology Professor Les Parrot noted that this is a common error women make, as men want to feel desired, too. For women, the fear of coming off as too “aggressive” or un-ladylike plays a role when it comes to not seeking sex despite wanting to have it.
Men may not initiate sex, surprisingly, for similar reasons. They don’t want to come off as too aggressive either, even though it’s considered more acceptable for men to initiate sex, and they may feel their advances are unwelcome because they don’t perceive themselves as desired by their partner.
Both communication and action are necessary to correct this common problem. Talk with your partner openly about what is holding you back from initiating sex and having it more frequently, and then take action, without guilt or embarrassment, to move forward into to a more satisfying sexual life.
Keeping To Routine
It’s easy for couples to slip into a sex routine, especially when things like family and work are added into the mix. While there’s nothing wrong with doing what works, particularly if you both enjoy it, spicing it up occasionally can really up the experience for the both of you.
Talk with your partner about new things you’d like to try, and ask about what he or she would like to try, as well. Keep an open mind about your partner’s responses and suggestions, but don’t agree to anything that makes you uncomfortable or push something on your partner that is discomforting to him or her.
Comfort is an important part of a healthy sex life, and a desire for a little adventure shouldn’t override any personal limits.
Worrying About Appearance
Body image concerns happen to everyone, regardless of gender. A study done by TODAY/AOL, as reported by Today Health, found that more than half of men surveyed worried about their looks at least once a week, and were more concerned about their appearance than their jobs.
If either you or your partner is worried about appearance, it can be hurting your sex life even if you’re not fully aware of its effects.
When you’re concerned about your face or stomach or any other body part in the bedroom, your minor preoccupation takes your focus away from the fun at hand and can even keep you from experimenting or letting yourself lose control; the same goes for your partner.
Body image positivity doesn’t come overnight. Try new clothes, makeup, exercise or anything else that improves your self-image. Remind yourself that you are desirable to your partner, as chances are he or she isn’t noticing any of the flaws about which you are worried.
Compliment your partner and give him or her some extra attention regularly if you suspect he or she is feeling a little insecurity in the bedroom, as well.