Being in a relationship is not about losing yourself or giving up everything. It is about keeping your independence and your identity so that you can keep doing what you love.
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A healthy relationship is not about fitting into a mould to please your partner. If you did that you will likely experience anger, anxiety, resentment and somehow sabotage the relationship. So it is vital to remember that the reason your partner fell in love with you was because of your personality and individuality – so why would you want to lose that now you are with them!
Here are some tips as to why keeping your identity in your relationship is healthy and important:
1. Make Sure You Have Your Own Friends
You are often a very different person with your friends than you are with your partner, so having your own individual set of friends (away from the shared friends) is very important. It will give you a sense of personal confidence and you will be able to share interests that are different to that of your partner.
2. Reconnect With Your Hobbies And Interests And Then Do Them!
Don’t neglect your interests, hobbies and passions as they are a part of what motivates and drives you as a person. They help to create and maintain a big part of your personality. So get stuck into your hobbies and the things you are passionate about! It’s never too late to start.
3. Have Some Time Alone
Spending time alone is a must if you want to regain your sense of self. Sometimes all you need is a small break away from your partner to find peace with yourself again. It is an opportunity for you to relax and catch up on your reading or TV programmes or go for a walk.
4. Don’t Lose Sight Of Your Dreams
Our dreams and passions are what give us a sense of purpose in our lives. By losing sight of them will mean that you will lose a big part of yourself and what motivates you. So keep your dreams alive and working to make them happen.
5. Be Open To Take On New Things
This is a great way to boost your self-confidence and kick yourself out of your comfort zone. We grow by taking on new challenges, gain a sense of independence and prove to ourselves just how amazing we are!
6. Don’t Let Your Life Revolve Around Your Partner
Becoming too dependent on your partner can have negative effects in making them feel trapped and not able to do the things they enjoy doing. So don’t revolve your life around them. Keep a healthy balance in your life and make plans with your friend’s and get involved with your hobbies and interests.
7. Don’t Ask For Your Partner’s Permission
When you depend on your partner’s approval for every simple thing in life, you end up losing your independence, self-confidence and self-worth. There are times where it is important to consult your partner, but be confident enough to know that you have the power and are fully capable of making decisions for yourself.
8. Learn Something New About Yourself
Self-development is a key factor in maintaining your independence and learning something new about yourself all the time. By taking a seminar, getting some coaching, reading self-help books etc. will help you to continuously recreate yourself within your relationship – which is invaluable.
9. Set Up Boundaries
Boundaries are not walls to keep your partner away from you. It’s about being clear, right from the start, about the things are most important to you, like going out with your friends, being able to do what you want when you want etc. It’s better for two independent people to come together while still being able to keep their own space and interests.
10. Be A Whole Person
Making references of yourself as being someone’s better half or other half is a clear sign of losing your identity in a relationship. You don’t need anyone to complete you. You are a complete identity in yourself as is your partner. See yourself as a whole, powerful person and your partner as an enhancement to who you are.
Being in a romantic relationship can be tough and there is definitely not a one-size-fits-all scenario. We learn and grow from our mistakes but no matter what, you can never lose everything that makes you. So stay proactive about maintaining your own identity and social life.
The most important thing to know is that a partner who genuinely and deeply loves you will never want you to be anyone other than yourself.